Phase I
The individual realizes that death is inevitable. There is no expectation for a cure. Sadness and depression is often associated with this first stage of grief. Loved ones and the person dying may demonstrate signs of denial, anger, or calmness and acceptance.
Phase II
During this phase there is concern for the dying person. Loved ones may feel the need to reconcile differences or past arguments. Family members may be concerned for the dying persons fear of death. The dying person may become withdrawn, preferring to keep thoughts to themselves. Being close to the person dying is important and provides great comfort and support.
Phase III
In this phase the actual death is "rehearsed". They dying person may request their wants and preferences for funeral plans. Loved ones may feel the need to say good-bye or to be close to the dying person as part of anticipatory grief.
Phase IV
This last phase family members and loved ones may start to imagine what their lives will be like without the person that is dying. Siblings may begin wondering what it's like to lose a brother or sister. Loved ones may begin thinking about family events such holidays, birthdays, weddings, and births of babies without the presence of the dying person.
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Smiling Through the Tears by Harriet Hodgson. The journey of anticipatory grief is long and hard, sometimes harder than post-death grief because we are always on the alert, never knowing when death is to occur. Because the chronically ill are being kept alive longer, there is a rise in anticipatory grief. And with very little written on the subject, the author has devoted an entire book on it. Anticipatory grief can take power over us. Since most people are not familiar with the term, it is important to understand what it is. The author addresses how to prepare yourself mentally, how to face reality, to build a support system, safeguarding documents, making arrangements and how to prepare for a new life without your loved one. The book is compassionate and even humorous.
Reader Review
. . . this book shows me where I am in the process of grief and acceptance. I highly recommend this book for those whose parents are aging or has a chronically ill friend or relative.
Final Gifts: Understanding the Special Awareness, Needs, and Communications of the Dying by Maggie Callanan and Patricia Kelley. This insightful book was written by two hospice nurses with the gift of listening. Because many find it difficult to communicate with loved ones who are dying, with helpful tips, this book addresses ways to initiate dialogue. Written for the needs of both loved ones and those facing death, messages of the dying fall into two basic categories: attempting to describe what the dying is experiencing and what a person needs for a peaceful death. These messages are described as "Nearing Death Awareness", not to be confused with "Near Death Experiences". Although similar, there are distinct differences: a near death experience happens suddenly as with a heart attack, whereas, in a near death awareness the person is dying slowly of a progressive illness such as cancer. The process is gradual where the person remains inside the body but at the same time is aware of a dimension that lies beyond. In some messages, the dying may even be aware when death will occur, giving loved ones a sense of comfort knowing the ill were not afraid of death itself. Other messages were the need to reconcile a relationship in order for death to happen, or to return to a place in the past, symbolic of happiness, giving them one more look. To know how to listen to these messages can help both loved ones and the dying in what to expect.
Readers Reviews
. . . I feel like I learned a "big secret" that mysterious thing called death. These two women deserve a medal. Thank you for soothing our broken hearts.
. . . I strongly recommend people begin reading this book as soon as they know death is possible instead of after they are gone.
. . . deeply compassionate and insightful. A much needed tool for anyone faced with these issues.
. . . I strongly recommend people begin reading this book as soon as they know death is possible instead of after they are gone.
. . . deeply compassionate and insightful. A much needed tool for anyone faced with these issues.
Related links
Two Weeks Directed, written and produced by Steve Stockman. Starring Sally Field, Ben Chaplin, Julianne Nicholson, Tom Cavanagh, Glenn Howerton, James Murtaugh, and Michael Hyatt. Based on the producer's own experience of his mother's last days of life. The story is centered around Anita (Sally Field) whose children are called home to North Carolina to be with their mother in her last dying days. But death is not as immediate as expected and the children find themselves trapped in the home for two weeks. They find themselves dealing with anticipatory grief and trying to pull themselves together as a family, as difficult as that can be at times. A movie with a tough message, we see the truth in what happens when you deal with this at home.
Viewer's Reviews
. . . the film covers the hospice care of the dying mother and the family. The daughter's need for constant instruction/explanation given by her vast collection of books dealing with the dying. Educational for those who have never traveled down this road before.
. . . the film addresses many issues - marriage, children, family, religion and individuality.
. . . a portrayal of family conflicts, old battles, anger at others and denial.
. . . true to life, that things can get messy and it may be sad, the way each person handles grief. Sally Field does a remarkable job of revealing mixed emotions in dealing with death.
. . . the film addresses many issues - marriage, children, family, religion and individuality.
. . . a portrayal of family conflicts, old battles, anger at others and denial.
. . . true to life, that things can get messy and it may be sad, the way each person handles grief. Sally Field does a remarkable job of revealing mixed emotions in dealing with death.
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